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Friday, June 25, 2004

My Abusive Mother: Part I

The shoe that fits one
person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living
that suits all cases.
~~Carl Gustav Jung~~

My mother is abusive and always has been abusive. If you do read the last post regarding the 5 phases of emotional abuse I expreienced 4 and 5 most of my life--all the others as well but mainly 4 and 5. This topis has raised it's ugly head because on yesterday when I picked my daughter up from her house, dirty Fila told me that she was very hungry and had only 1 meal that day.

I asked her why as normally she eats all sort of food and snacks all day. She said that my mother locked her out of the house. What? Evil visions of my childhood immediately ran thru my head. I asked for more details. What happened from the beginning is what I wanted to know. dirty Fila said she was washing out her swimsuit in the sink and was taking it outside to hang on the deck to dry out.(swimming lessons were at 7) She said as she walked from the bathroom to the sink some water dripped on the floor and she did not close the patio door behind her. My mother came into the room and saw the water and the door open and got mad. dirty Fila closed the door and got the mop to wipe up the water. That of course was not enough.

dirty Fila said that my mother grabbed the mop as she was mopping and began to pull it away from her. dirty Fila was afraid that her grandmother was going to hit her with the mop handle--she said she was looking very weird so she did not let it go. They struggled with the mop handle. Finally my mother told her not to fight her for the mop. Next thing dirty Fila was placing the mop outside and my mother locked the door and refused to let her in the house. This occurred about 8:45am as I dropped her off at 8:30 or so. dirty Fila said that she was not let back in until 2:30pm. She had no food, no water, where we are now it is summer and the temp was 90 degrees plus. At some during the day she did ask thru the glass door for some water and my mother told her to cup her hands and drink from the spicket. She also told my father not to let her in and he did not.

dirty Fila said that she just spent the day outside in the rocking chair on the back deck. When she got in the house finally she did have a microwaveable lunch meal.

I am livid. This is the kind of thing she used to do to me when I was little but mine wa much worst. This is also the first time that this has happened with dirty fila. I spent many years of my early adult life in weekly therapy to get ovor all the things she did to me when I was a child and to make sure that I would not repeat that cycle of abuse with any kids I had.

I always knew my mother was mentally ill and I lived for the time when I would be able to leave that childhood house never to return. Throughout the years she has had multiple nervous breakdowns, lived on valuim, belladona and all sort of other drugs. In recent years she has taken pacxil. Part of my healing process many years ago was to confront her. She denies anything ever happened to me or that she ever did anything to me. I finally left it alone--for my own benefit. I have always been aware that she had never gotten any treatment of her own for her own issues. (She comes from an abusive household) I have always been worried about how she would treat my daughter. From my mothers MO girls are nothing and males are more valued. As a child I was the black sheep and my brother was the favorite. I have a daughter and he has a son. My daughter is the black sheep to my mother and my nephew is her favorite. The cycle repeats.

She would never do ANYTHING like that to my nephew. Never..he is is the favorite. Nevertheless, I plan to get my daughter into some summer camp next week so that her time there with my parents is limited. I was just a shell of a human when I left that house years ago with nothing inside except the will to get out of there alive and get help for me. You would think that a woman in her late 60's would have changed or softened in all those years, especially after I was trying to get her to admit all the things she did to me long ago.

Abuse cycles seem to be something that will not die no matter how old you get unless you get help. I just know that I cannot let my daughter spend the summer with them for fear of what may happen. My mother could have called me at work if there was a problem and I could have come get dirty Fila if I had too. That is how I know it is and was child abuse.

I plan to be calling my mother in a short while to discuss. It will not be pretty because she does not listen to anyone's opinion except her own. Noone is right except her and all of her actions are always right no matter what. Remember the trip home from Walt Disney World just 2 weeks ago? It will not be pretty.

Guess what? My neice is having her first birthday tomorrow and I am supposed to be the one to drive my parents 6 hours on tomorrow to attend the family BBQ and then back 6 hours on sunday as I have to get back home to get to work. What a wonderful weekend this is going to be. Now I do not want to go to the BBQ. 6 hours on the road 1 way with my mother and then back. I am not driving unless she is riding in the back seat.

Details on the phone call walking away.

0 Broken Heels: