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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sago Palm Drama

I was looking outside earlier today and I noticed that my large, mutant sago palm had tipped over. I have it in a very large pot. the pot is about the size of a 1/2 garbage can. It has been in it for about three years and I think it has outgrown it or is top heavy on one side. Seeing that saga palm has brought back the memory of how I got it in the first place. Here is how it came to be!

It was about 2 years ago and I was mad. I was screaming to myself, " Don't MAKE me have to kill you over a sago palm." Lord, please deliver me from the greediness of my coworkers.

There is a landscaping crew that does all the buildings in the office complex where I work. Every few weeks they tear up all the perfectly good plants and in goes a new theme. I do not know what happens to the old plants but I bet they are thrown away. Seems like a waste because they redo the landscaping so often.

Well. There were 3 large sago palms that had been there for about 2 years and when I was coming in from lunch I noticed that they were digging them up. I went over and asked about them. What would happen to them. They were beautiful plants. The landscaper told me they would be thrown away. Well, I promptly asked if I could have one. He said, " yes!"

The palm was a huge thing about three feet across and if you know anything about sago palms they are like weapons. The fronds are needle sharp with huge thorms sticking out from the base the leaves are coming out of. Put that under a window and burglars will think twice. They are deadly.

I told the landscaper that I would to get my keys. He said I needed to wait until they had left. He could not officially give me anything but if he left old plants I could get one. He said he would leave the 3 palms just sitting. He said he did not want the workers to see him giving me one of the palms. He asked if anyone else would want the other 2. I told him I was sure someone would and I would go back upstairs to the office and see. All was set. He left the palms, I went back upstairs and told a coworker , "G", who had just bought a house and was talking about doing some landscaping. I figured she would like one. "G' was sitting with "Blackberry" in the breakroom. Blackberry is just that. A very dark skinned blackwoman. (No slur intended--the darker the berry the sweeter the juice and all that)

"G" said that she wanted a palm and so did Blackberry. I figured all was okay. Why the hell did I think that? It was that damned Blackberry who was sitting there. Greedy! Blackberry is the one who brings her own plastic bags from home when we have office functions so she can take food home. Can we say making about 80K per year and acting like a bag person? Makes me sick!

Well, my plan was to somehow get that palm in the back seat and get it home. I had no idea how Blackberry and "G" were going to get their palms home. I waited the time frame for the landscapers to go and I went back downstairs to load up my palm. There was no palm. The palm was gone. All the palms were gone.

I was livid. Absolutely livid!!!! There was going to be hell to pay. I just knew that they had taken all the palms and as it turned out they had. I looked for Blackberry and "G." Both had left the office for various reasons. One had a doctors appointment and one had an early out. But you know what? I was gonna work it with Bell South. I asked around the office..very calmly if anyone has seen who the palms were taken home. I went straight to Blackberry's crew and found out she got another employee with a pick up truck to load them up and take them to their houses. Blackberry and "G" live about 15 minutes away in the same direction on the interstate.

Hot damn! Those bitches were not getting away with that. I had Blackberry's home number as she was my mentor for a short while when I first was employed. I dug that number out and called. I got an aswering machine. I left a stark, raving message that was over the top but I had to be sure she got the message. I told her that she was an evil, greedy person and that she would have no knowledge of those palms until I told her about them and that for her to take them all was selfish. She knew I wanted one. I told her that she had better make arrangements to get my palm back to this office ASAP because if she did not I was going to google up her address and get it myself. In addition, I told her that I did not have a number for "G", but for her to call "G" and give her my message VERBATIM! I was coming to get my G.D. palm one way or the other. I told her I was going to hunt them down because they were not going to get away with this with me.

I waited. I got a call from Blackberry about 8pm that night. She was apologetic and said that she did not know that the coworker with the truck had taken all 3. I told her she was a liar. I told her she was trying to take that palm just like she takes all the food from the office functions. I told her the difference was -- that I was not the office. I would not let what she is trying to do, happen to my things. I also told her that she was an embarrassment to me as a black woman. I told her that other people in the office talk about her and some of her crew when it comes to taking food from the office functions. Coming in there with baggies and loading up!

She tried to say it was a misunderstanding. I said "WHATEVER!" I told her you had better just tell where where I can pick up my palm or when you are bringing it back to the office. She said that I could get it from "G's" house. I got her number and called "G". They had obviously talked and both were sorry and it was a misunderstanding. "WHAAAATEVER!" Liars!

I got her address and went over to her house the next day at 8pm and got my palm. I came prepared just in case I had to load it myself. I had thick gloves and 2 heavy shirts on. "G" did not even help me load it up ...I did not think she would... but you would think she would. She would not have know about the palm except for me. But, I got it home. I was happy as can be after that. It has lived a very full life on my patio for the past several years.

Don't MAKE me have to kill you over a sago palm. Cause' I'll kick off my shoes and take off my earrings in a skinny minute!

All that brings me to gardening shoes. I normally just wear an old pair of tennis shoes, but they can get wet and muddy when I begin to putt around in the garden. I need to do something with the palm and also cut back all the dead stalks standing from last years flowering bulbs. It is definitely a 2 saturday job. I was in Target today in the garden section and they had some clue sloggers for gardening. I would like a pair.

Slogger, after reading their site, helped out with Katrina by donating shoes. This is the style they donated.

To reach out and help people in the Gulf Coast and half-way around the world, Sloggers has donated 5,760 pairs of our footwear, including the waterproof A.W.S. shoe - a particularly useful item in wet and muddy situations. The donation is worth nearly $20,000 and one of our largest charitable contributions ever. Eight pallet loads of shoes were given to World Vision, a Pacific Northwest charity focused on helping children and their communities worldwide.

The A.W.S. has a rubber outer wrapping for waterproof protection and a neoprene lining for insulation and waterproof protection. The lug sole provides improved traction in muddy conditions.

"We're proud to do our part, helping people made homeless by the recent natural disasters," said David Hoyt, the President of Sloggers. "We know a new pair of shoes can make a person happy, and we hope these shoes bring some comfort and joy. We hope to make their journey home a little more comfortable."

Don't MAKE me have to kill you over a sago palm."

What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~

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