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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Birkenstock Wars

It was either me or the birkenstocks. I won and the birkenstocks are in the garbage covered with salad dressing and barbeque sauce!

The war began about 2 weeks ago. I had bought dirty Fila a pair of birkenstocks last year. These are the offending pair. They look innocent but don't let the birkenstock fool you! They can be quite churlish!

Well, I just happened to look down at those shoes about 2 weeks ago and noticed that dirt Fila had worn them so much that the heel was worn down. I thought they were shoes that lasted forever! How can anyone wear out a pair of birkenstocks? I had a pair in college that would not wear out no matter how often I wore them. Well I took the shoes at the end of the day and placed them in the trash can in dirty Fila's room. They would go out the next day. The next day I emptied the trash and the shoes were not there. dirty Fila had worn them to school...again.. all worn down.

First of all the shoes are not regulatory. She attends a school for the gifted and talented where she has to wear a uniform. They have to wear closed in shoes. Not clogs or birkenstocks. What she was doing was wearing them with pants and HOPING that noone would look at her feet and see that they were clog style shoes. Well I guess she was getting away with that for awhile. I took the shoes again and told her that they had to go. They were worn out and looked bad. She said she loved the shoes and they were the most comfortable pair of shoes she has ever had. In addition she was not going to give them to me until I got her a replacement pair.

Can we say say verbal smackdown? Does she have a job? Was she really demanding shoes? She was and it was not pretty. I took the shoes and they did go into the trash in the kitchen.

Or so I thought. She offered to take the trash out the next day and out went the offending shoes. She takes the trash out all the time so I thought nothing of it. I did not see the birkenstocks and that was the end of that. Or so the birkenstock thought. They are evil shoes you know. :0) Just like the ouija board, you cannot throw birkenstocks away. They magically appear back in your house.

About a week later those shoes appeared in my room next to the bed. dirty Fila had been in my room the night before and I ran her into her room to go bed. She left those shoes. I took them again and again and put them in the trash. Again she had them on. We argued some more with her demanding a new pair each time before she gave them up. I took them again.

The straw that broke the camels back came today. Today I get a call at work. It is dirty Fila calling me from school. She has been sent to the office for being out of uniform. Her science teacher has kicked her out of the class for having birkenstocks on. And not only that, I had to take her a pair of shoes to finish out the school day. I was livid.

I went to the church and got some holy water to protect me against the power of the birkenstock! Armed with that and a prayer to the lord of all shoes to help me, I took those shoes about 40 minutes ago, while dirty Fila was alseep on the sofa. I put then in the kitchen garbage can and I covered them with balsamic vinegarette salad dressing and barbeque sauce. I sprinkled holy water in top of that. It is done. The curse of the birkenstock has been broken. dirty Fila just woke up about 10 minutes ago from a nap on the downstairs sofa. Her first question to me? Where were her shoes. My answer? "I don't know. I have not seen them in the den recently."

Well I had not seen them in the den. I saw them last in the kitchen covered with salad dressing and barbeque sauce. They will not be coming back. I have finally broken the birkenstock ouija curse. I hear dirty Fila upstairs now in her closet looking for her shoes.

What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~

4 Broken Heels:

rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

this is the oddest damn site i have ever seen. congradulations somebody's blog finally blew my mind. you are up there with eraserhead with me. i'll try and work up an award.

Tinker said...

rev. billy bob gisher : boy you have a long name! I will take your comments as a compliment! thanks for coming by. I was not to familiar with eraserhead. I had to google that up!

Anonymous said...

im sorry but this is a retarded blog. i cant believe i just wasted my time reading this. you are a fool and a whipersnapper

Anonymous said...

Very Amusing post!

I guess it is too late to tell you you can re cork/re sole Birkenstock?