Dancing, Prancing Corporate Shoes

Well the time had come. Today was a day of "organized corporate fun." A day at park, a company picnic, a day for all of us to leave the computers, phones and clients behind and kick up our heels at the park. You would think that people would want to get away from the office. I mean we only have a company picnic once a year. Maybe two if we are lucky. Well of course you know there are the conplainers, they do not want to do that, or this or participate in any team games. Finishing shoes is one of the worst. Complain, complain, complain. Gosh I made sure I did not sit near her.

I was one of the organizers of the outing so it was all good. Very good catered barbeque, hamburgers and hotdogs. We ate before the team games. We have to have team game whenever we have an outging for "team building." It is the way of our company. The entire office is devided by manager. 7 managers so 7 big teams of about 12 people each. Now I sent many an email out before the shindig, so everyone knows we will be running around. Now why did I see people in heeled sandals. I asked one lady , let's just call her bible shoes. (When she gets stressed, she takes out her bible and reads it.!) I asked bible shoes why she was wearing heels for the relay race and for tug of war. I asked if she was going to take those off. She said no, she has skills and will be able to do tug of war in heels. Can we say workers comp claim?

One other woman wore a miniskirt suit. Where were her casual clothes? We got an email on yesterday from the big boss we could wear jeans into the office, just for today. I asked her before we left the office how on earth was she going to do a tug of war in a miniskirt? She said she could and it would be fine. She would be on the end. The end????! Isn't the end where you are almost sitting on the ground with your legs open at odd angles? We would all be able to see her private parts! I told her I was not going to put her on the end. She would be at the beginning. Later she came back to me and said she would run somewhere and get a pair of shorts. Thank god she did!

During the tug of war, one of the managers was tugging so hard she pulled the sole off her tennis shoes. How OLD were those shoes? They must have been bobos because she spent the remainder of her time having to flip back the sole each step before she could take a step. I looked at those shoes and they were not a name brand. They were no name tennis shoes.

The craziest thing that happened today was during the fish or bait challenge. 14 people had to be picked from all 7 teams to participate in this eating challenge. 7 people ate bait--sour gummy worms and 7 ate fish--sardines. It was crazy. The people eating sardines had to have water and mustard in order to get them down. We had a winner. Who? The sardine lady won. The sarding lady eats sardines at her desk everyday and stinks up the whole office. Just like Classic Court used to do in the Sardine Wars.

One woman just grabbed all her sardines.. Each had 2 cans open in a bowl..she grabbed a big handful and smashed then into her mouth, mustard and all. The bad thing is she did not swallow. She had too much. While sardine lady was eating and swallowing her sardines and mustard, the other girl was just cramming in and not swallowing. Then she began to gag and held it in for as long as she could. Two minutes was the time frame and at the end of it, Sardine Lady won. The prize went to her, the woman with the sardine shoes.

As for the woman who had stuffed her face, her cheeks were puffed out with sardines and mustand, so full she looked like a squirrel with a face full of nuts, only it was sardines with little pieces of sardines and mustand leaking out the side of her mouth. She had so much packed in there, that she could not even spit it out into a napkin when it was over. She had to go over the hedges near the edge of the woods and spit it out. I do not know if she was spitting or vomiting. I did not want to know!

After that it was the challenge for those eating bait--the sour gummy worms. One bag per person with about 40 in each bag. One of the new hires did that challenge and she was amazing. As it turned out, sour gummy worms was/is her favorite candy. So, she crammed those worms in, swollwed and showed me a clean mouth and an empty bowl in 1 mintue 30 seconds. She was good. Noone else was really close at all. And, one of the woman who had just competed in the sardine challenge did the worms too. Can we say cast ireon stomach???

My team won the tug of war and the relay race. It was a day away from the office. Why are people complaining about that? They are the ones who complain in the office about this, that and the other. Why would I think a day away would be fun for them? What was I thinking???

What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~