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Thursday, May 13, 2004


As I sat under the desk all day yesterday I heard all sorts of crazy things on the other end of phone. It made me think of all the "best of the best" crazy things clients can say to you. This pair of shoes works in the customer service area of a major insurance company and this pair of shoes had heard some absolutely, outrageosuly funny things come out of customers mouths. You can't laugh while on the phone of course, but you cannot believe what you are hearing at the time. Here are some classic examples of things I am asked to do or hear from people all the time:

Can you fax me the check?
How can anyone fax a check to someone in another city? How does one think that a faxed piece of paper with a copy of a check on it will be able to be cashed at a bank???

Because of you my kids will not have Christmas.
It was 2 days before christmas, a loss happened and the party I was talking to said they had no money. Well due to the loss they had not incurred any expenses out of pocket. I was puzzled. I was wondering to myself how were they going to have christmas before the loss? This I have heard year after year. These days whenever I hear this I do ask the customer how were you going to have christmas before this loss? The reply I get back is usually the quiet sound of crickets chirping.

Because of you I cannot pay my light bill, my phone bill, my rent!--insert any bill that you like in the blank. It is all good! My thought is always how were your bills going to get paid before. I have had to tell people to call the utility company and work out a payment plan. That is your only option. Clearly they were having having financial problems before the loss.--> the nerve of some people!

My child was going to be the next Michael Jordan and because of this loss he career is over!
Can we all say together---go unplug from the matrix! NOW! Street ball on the corner and a child still in elementary school? How does one know he is the next Michael Jordan? Crystal ball? Please stop the madness!

My loved ones Down Syndrome was caused by the loss.
Sorry! Not! As far as I know you are born with down's syndrome.

My loved one's constipation was caused by the loss.
Double sorry! Try eating more fiber and fruits and vegetables! Constipation can be caused by bad diet, lack of fiber or just too much cheese!

My head hit the headrest and now I need a root canal on my back molar.
Of course teeth can be damaged in a loss if your mouth hits something. They may be broken. Root canal on back molars? Hellooooo! Root canals are deep decay that has been there for quite some time. Sorry! No money for root canals on back molars!

I'm having a baby because of you! This pregnancy is all your fault!
I got this angry call from a woman who blamed me for her new pregnancy. She was absolutely livid! Her husband had been involved in a loss and was home for about a week. He was a trucker and was normally gone for long periods of time. I asked her how it was my fault and was it not a joyous occasion? Her answer it was no joyous as she was 44 and did not need to be having any more babies at her age and it was my fault because if her husband was not involved in loss he would be working and not at home having relations with her. I did not know what to say after that. She heard the sounds of crickets coming from my phone.

There are so many more..almost too many to write. But I will put a few down later. Now it is time to celebrate Rupert's winning of the extra million dollars. Rupert is the man!!!

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