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Thursday, October 07, 2004

Office Farting

Do you think that public farting is okay? Does it depend on where you are? I think it is the height of rudeness and low social graces. It should not happen anywhere in public. You know when you have to do it so you can make it to the bathroom in time!! Go to the bathroom!! Why polute the air of people around you?! And the crazy thing is that when it happens noone sayas anything at all. Conversations continue like nothing happened. CRAAAAZY!

I work in an office and my assistant classic court...you remember her...from Europe and speaks the queens english is a public farter. I was told about it by another officer support person who sites to her. He said that classic court just lets it fly whenever and where ever she is! I had not experienced it until very recently. It is an English thing? Classic court was standing over someone elses desk helping with a computer problem. She could not figure it out and called me. I went over and she and I were both standing over another employee when all of a sudden this horrific smell permeated the air. It was not me and it was not the other employee. I must have cringed or screwed up my nose or something subtle and the employee we were helping saw and raised an eyebrow toward classic court. It was her!

Has she no shame. All of us standing in dress business suits and out comes her fart. She did not make any move at all to leave. I backed away under the guise of having a deadline. She stayed a little longer...just until the employee we were helping got up. Most likely to get some fresh air!!!

Since that time I have been overcome by her farts 2 other times. I have asked her if she drinks green tea. Green tea is a natural stool deodorant. A cup or 2 everyday and your stools/bowel movements have no smell. It is true! I drink green tea because I like it and it is true about it being a stool deodorant. Somehow something in the tea kills the bad bacteria or neutralizes the smell of the bacteria in the waste that causes stool odor. Classic court does not like green tea! That would be too easy. For her it is only PG Tips...the queens tea.

It would do no good to mention it to her as she lives by a different European standard. Not only do we have the sardine wars with her but now we have farts! God knows I love her as a person and she is a great employee but those smells are offensive!

Fart Joke of the day
An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very
lavish
New York City Office Building.
A young and beautiful woman gets into
the
elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman
and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next
young
and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly
turns to the
old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three
floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny
and is about to get
off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both
beautiful women in the eye,
she bends over, and farts....... "Broccoli - 49
cents a pound!!!"



The Farting Dot
Farting Banned in Schools
Howard Stern owns Fartman name


What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~

3 Broken Heels:

weirdpixie said...

hello tinker
just passing through-- saw your Halloween stories at the Chapel Perilous forum (haven't checked in there for months, wow!) so i thought i'd finally check out your blog.

i have to contribute to this subject by saying that i work in a very small office (8 people including me) and we are all in close proximity to one another all day. at least half of those folks lets loose at least three times a day. some days i go near a piece of office equipment to use it and one of them has just been near there, but then just walks away, leaving their FUMES in their wake to nearly suffocate me with.

i tell you i have never experienced public farting to the extent that i put up with at this place. fortunately i work near the front door and keep it wedged open throughout the day-- otherwise i'd probably pass out.

what gives with these people? i think i've pretty much sussed out that the four suspects gassiness comes from bad diet. most of them eat terribly, mostly junk food and a ton of sugar. most of them sit for long periods of time throughout the day, eating their french fries, burgers and donuts. i am pretty sure bad diet has a lot to do with it, but mostly anyone who realizes what they're doing and just doesn't care to get up and use the bathroom has just had a poor upbringing in my opinion. i'd like to make up some stickers to have ready and just pat them on the back as i'm passing by-- the sticker will read:

STAND CLEAR: I FART AT WILL

Tinker said...

That was funny weirdpixie. I loved your comment! I need some of those signs too! LOL!

Anonymous said...

You're both wrong. Green tea does not 'deodorise' your farts or poop - I've been drinking it a lot for more than 6 months and mine stinks as bad as anyone else's.

Also, a bad diet of burgers, donuts, general crap will actually LOWER your rate of farts and the stench of them. It's a healthy diet involving fibre and fruit and veg that will make you fart more and make it smell more, particularly cruciferous veg.