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Monday, February 13, 2012

The Open Toe Shoe Pledge

Spring and summer will soon be here. It is the annual reprinting of this pledge! It is time for all the ladies in all the world to take the Open Toed Shoe Pledge. Raise your BIG toes and repeat after me. is MANDATORY! Come on repeat with me. Get those BIG toes UP!

I pledge to follow the following rules whenever I wear sandals or other open toed shoes!

I promise to wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I will not wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, sister, tells me that the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get the shoes fixed or in the garbage they go!
I will not live in corn denial. I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99, even if my feet are small enough to fit into a kids shoe. This is out of the concern and safety of others. Noone can safely walk in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take others down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like vienna sausages.
If I have been privy to the magic that is Foot Soap, I will share that knowledge with the non-initiated.
I will brutally honest with the girlfreind, sister, coworker when she askes me if her feet are to ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that toes as long as fingers are scary.
I promise that if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure that they actually flip AND flop, making the correct noise while walking and I swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I promise to go to my local beauty school once per season and have a real pedicure.
I will promise to throw away any white or off white sandals that show signs of nothing is tackier then dirty white sandals!

Even after taking this solemn pledge, I personally know some people WILL be looking like this all summer! Yikes!

What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe! ~~Aileen Mehle~~

0 Broken Heels: